i am the queen of eggshells

I don’t mean to be a mean bitch (most of the time), really. I’m a nice person, on the inside (sometimes). I love my family and I would never do anything to hurt them, except that I do.

It’s just that sometimes I feel like I’m on fire. The nice person inside me is still there, and wants to tell you it’s alright, I love you and I’m not mad at you and I don’t want to hurt you. It’s just that it’s hard to stay nice and sweet and calm when I am burning.

Sometimes it feels like everything and everyone around me is a giant disgusting cockroach– not that they look that way, or that I really feel that they are, but that’s the closest I can get to describing how it feels when you get too close to me or start talking to me about your day.

With the gross cockroachness and the conflagration, it is very very very difficult to say something as simple as “I’m sorry, I’m not in a good mood right now. Could you give me some space?”

Sometimes it takes all the strength that is in me to turn around and walk away in the middle of your sentence so that I don’t start screaming at you.

So I’m sorry, I really am, and I wish it was different. But telling me to try to be a little nicer will not prevent the flames or keep you from turning into a disgusting cockroach.

When I run away or say something maybe a little rude, it’s only because I’ve burst into flames and I’m trying my best to protect you from getting burned. I’m sorry I can’t do better right now.

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who is responsible for your happiness?

I have had a few epiphanies in my life. One of those epiphanies came when I was 22 years old, about six months after I got married. I realized that I had made a mistake—that I needed to leave him. But that wasn’t my epiphany.

My epiphany was that everyone is responsible for their own happiness.

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